Intoxicated before Noon

Lately when I have been running the urine test I've noticed a lot of our patients are positive for ethanol. Could it really be that I have a flock of drunk patients? Or maybe this was their first pee of the day after a long night of drinking.. Either way. Why?

About two weeks ago we had a patient frantically run into the office and had to use the restroom. Up front we have a patient restroom but it is currently out of order since we're too cheap to hire a plumber. There has been crap sitting in that toilet for about a month. She runs straight into that restroom, although there is a huge sign that says OUT OF ORDER. She actually used the restroom. When things like this happen, just let it happen.
Later that day she kept giving us a problem. Coming up to the desk asking when she's going to be seen numerous times. I noticed though as she talked to her us she seemed more than doped up. She was drunk. Slurring her words. Her face seemed half paralyzed. When she got into the room she started to get aggressive with the girls. Telling them that the doctor was going to pay her lawyer for her wait time in our office and all this nonsense. Before you could bat an eyelash she was out the front door wandering down the street. I figured she was never coming back.. I was wrong.

Three weeks later she makes an appearance, much uglier than before. This time she's really on a rant and lets everyone in the waiting room and the staff know how displeased she is with life. One of our patient's is a retired nurse and she had much input to say about this woman, confirming my suspicions of the ladies intoxication.
Well she must have been going on about how she used to go to this 'pill mill' and they would see thirty patients at a time. They would also serve them BBQ as they waited in line.  Now I believe a lot of patients in pain management are addicts but some patients are not. Talk like this must embarrass them, disturb them, offend them because I believe a lot of our patients truly are in pain. They come into the office and have one on one interaction with our doctor. They accept alternative treatment (most of the time) and can be very receptive and sweet. They were really upset with this woman today. If it weren't so busy we probably would have heard her in the lobby. But the patient's said she was going on and on about pain medicine and this and that and this doctor gave her this blah blah blah - lady we have a sign that says SHUT THE HELL UP ABOUT MEDICINE IN THIS OFFICE. They said she kept dozing off, then becoming belligerent.

Luckily for me I triaged this patient. When I came back in she didn't even recognize me. I asked her who gave her all her bruises and she began to cry. Saying she was an alcoholic and a drug addict and blah blah blah. I felt bad but the doctor was not so empathetic. At this point he was irritated with the scene she caused in the lobby and was hell bent on discharging her. Sorry, don't talk badly about the doctor and don't talk about medicine in the lobby, hell don't talk at all.
Well when he came in, she started to flip out. This gave him all he needed to discharge her. But he sat quietly didn't really respond to her rants, just went on about the office visit. She first states she wants her 'oxy's' and doesn't know why he wont give them to her. She's yelling and drunk so you can only imagine this woman. Her hair is frizzy, pretty young, eyes closing and pasty skin. Then she goes on saying how he owns a blue ferrari and why the hell not write her the medicine. BTW my boss does not have a ferrari... Then she starts cussing at him, F this F that F YOU. Asks him if he knows a neurologist. He starts to mess around and is like, no I don't associate with them. And shes like HE"S TRAINED EVERY DOCTOR IN THE USA AND HE HITS ON ME. Great... just great.
My boss gave her a script for Mobic (lol Lol LOL) and gives it to her and she takes one look at it and flips out. She runs out of the office again, like the last time before we told her she could not come back. I guess I'll just wait till her next phone call to advise her. Until next time she'll probably be waiting in line at that one pain management clinic behind the gas station with the BBQ stand.